So, Just what is Open Adoption?

 

“Open Adoption” is a very broad term that simply means that the birthparents and the adoptive family have some degree of contact with each other. They may know each other’s name and perhaps their profession, interests or hobbies. The birthparents are given the ability to choose which adoptive family seems best to love and raise their child. The birthparents, the adopted child and his adoptive family are able to keep in touch through the years.

The amount of information they know about each other and the frequency and type of continued contact they maintain varies from adoption to adoption. The wide spectrum of adoption relationships can be divided into two general categories: semi-open adoption and fully disclosed open adoption.

Semi-Open Adoption

In experimenting with change from the traditional/closed system, workers first tested the waters with semi-open adoption. In this model, any information which totally identifies the other party is withheld. There is a third party intermediary, usually an attorney or adoption agency, through which the birth and adoptive families have contact.

By way of example, a birthmother (let’s call her Renee’) contacts an adoption agency. After getting to know her, counseling with her, and getting the impression that she is serious in her consideration of adoption for her child, the agency provides profiles about potential adoptive couples for her to read. A profile is a set of pictures and letters that the adoptive couple puts together to tell the birthparents about themselves.

In this example, Renee’ reads all the profiles and feels especially drawn to one couple (let’s call them Joe and Karen.) She is given the opportunity to meet them face to face at a neutral location arranged by the agency. After getting to know one another, talking about likes and dislikes, and anything else about how Joe and Karen would love and raise her baby, she feels that Joe and Karen are definitely the ones she wants to raise her baby.

Throughout the remaining steps in the adoption process, the adoption worker is careful not to mention anyone’s last names or mention which city they live in. The potential adoptive couple remain known only as “Joe and Karen.” The birthmother’s name is only spoken as “Renee’.”

After the birth, Joe and Karen adopt the baby. They agree to send pictures to the adoption agency or lawyer periodically. The third party receives the pictures and in turn, removes any information that might give away the identity of the adoptive couple, such as return address or last names. Renee’ may also send letters and pictures to the family via the agency. Any contact Renee has with her child will always be mediated through the agency or some other third party.

Semi-open adoption was a positive first step in moving away from the closed system. Some birthparents and adoptive parents felt security in the distance that the third party put between them. In some circumstances this may still be necessary. However, in many circumstances it is not. Semi-openess allows for the exchange of information, however, secrets in identity infer to the child and others around him that there must be something to hide and leaves little room for anyone to grasp and enjoy the beauty of adoption. Mechanically timed contacts leave little room for growth, spontaneity or change in relationships.

Fully Disclosed Open Adoption

In a fully disclosed open adoption, all parties have full identifying information about one another. But a truly open adoption is more than just knowing each other's last names and addresses. Brenda Romanchik, a birthmother of more than 18 years puts it nicely in one of her pocket guides entitled “What Is Open Adoption?”

"The primary difference between a truly open adoption and a semi-open adoption is that open adoption is about inclusive relationships. It is not a contract, it is a covenant, a commitment that the birthfamily and the adoptive family make to each other and the child. It is not about the adoptive parents bestowing birthparents with the privilege of contact, nor is it about birthparents merely being available to provide information over the years. It is about birthfamily and adoptive family creating an extended family relationship. In practical terms it means that contact through letters and pictures, e-mail, phone calls and visits exist in the same way they do in any extended family relationship." 1

It might be more comfortable for some to write out a recipe for what an “average” open adoption looks like. But since all relationships are different, it is hard to say what should be “average” or “typical.” We can fairly say that there is a range of contact that the adoption relationship falls within. At one end of the spectrum, the birthfamily might exchange letters and pictures with the adoptive family and her child once every few years. At the other end of the spectrum, they might speak on the phone frequently and have an activity every week with one another. Everything else falls somewhere in between.

Adoptive relationships, just like most other relationships in our lives, don’t always stay the same. Changes in life circumstances often affect the type and amount of contact they have. A birthmother may live in the same town as the adoptive family for the first few years of the child’s life, but she might get married or get a job that moves her across the country for the next five years. Sharon Kaplan-Roszia and Lois Melina state in their book, The Open Adoption Experience , "In practice, the relationship in open adoption is...comparable to that between in-laws.” And as with in-law relationships, adoptive relationships can develop into close friendships while others may remain more distant.

The most important consideration in an open adoption relationship is placing importance on the needs of the adopted child. After all, it was seeing the needs of the child that prompted the move toward openness in adoption. When the child is an infant, the adult parties work through the discomfort and awkwardness that a new, uncharted relationship brings. But as the adopted child grows up, the adults must be sensitive and take their cues from the child. He may go through periods of not wanting to talk much about his adoption or have contact with his birthfamily. He may go through other periods of needing more contact. Sometimes the adult’s needs may not always coincide with the child’s needs.

For open adoption to work best, birthparents and adoptive parents need to see their involvement with each other as a sacred commitment, or a covenant they make to each other and the child for the sake of the child.

For more, click Who Benefits From Open Adoption?

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1. Romanchik, Brenda, "What is Open Adoption?" R-Squared Press, Royal Oak, MI, July 2001, p.2.