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My story is filled with many different viewpoints. Not only am I an adopted child, but at age 17, I was faced with pregnancy and the difficult decisions that come along with it. I will talk about getting pregnant and getting married here. At age 17, just at the beginning of my senior year of high school, I had gotten pregnant. I had a serious boyfriend, but it was far from the ideal situation. He and I were both young and a bit "wild"...both very immature, but didn’t know it at the time. He was only 20 and trying to put himself through college. I was an "A" student and had all the potential in the world. Needless to say, my parents were devastated. I will admit, we toyed with the idea of abortion, but it was never really an option in my mind. Being adopted, I was thankful my birth-mother did not choose that route, and therefore, I could not choose that route for the child I was carrying. And anyway, I actually thought having a baby would be a dream come true for me. I thought, " How wonderful it will be to have someone to love and someone to love me back-No matter what!" I thought, "How neat it will be to have a sweet little baby!" So we got married a few weeks after finding out I was pregnant and from there things were not easy. I can remember sitting home, pregnant and in tears while my husband was out with his friends and while my friends were all out having a good time their senior year. I found myself getting left out of all the activities that I otherwise would have been right in the middle of, such as Senior Prom, Senior trip to Astroworld, etc. It wasn’t quite what I had pictured. Nonetheless, on May 23, 1990 a beautiful baby girl was brought into this world and placed in my arms. I honestly witnessed a miracle that day. How precious babies are!!! So tiny, with all their working parts!...It’s just amazing! I love that little girl with all my heart. I wouldn’t trade her for all the money in the world, but I do sometimes wish things would have happened in a little different order. I wish I would have gotten to experience dorm life in college, gotten to date around and gone out with other people, had finished college and had a "career", and many other things that I missed out on. I never did foresee those sleepless nights that I sat up rocking a screaming baby as I literally cried because I was so tired. I never did foresee that frustration that comes along with having a baby before you are emotionally ready to do so. I never did foresee the endless interruptions at dinnertime when I was hungry and couldn’t eat because the baby needed my attention. Being a mother is something that takes emotional readiness, and that was something that I did not realize at the time. Honestly, I wasn’t ready for motherhood back then and sometimes I wish I could go back and "do-over" those days so both Jessica and I could benefit fully from what "having a baby" is really suppose to mean. Yes, after 12 years I am still married to my husband and since then we have had 3 more beautiful children. But this road we have traveled has not been smooth. We have encountered more than our share of bumps in the road. We have separated several times, which I know has been hard on the kids. Somehow, we manage to get back together. Some of our problems are just normal married couple problems, but many I think may have been avoided if events would have happened in a different order. |
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Copyright
© 2004
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