Myth Number 1
Adoption is irresponsible. Since I got myself into this situation, I should be responsible for taking care of this baby.
Yes, you are responsible for taking care of the baby. You are responsible for feeding, clothing and providing shelter for your child. But there is more...you are responsible for providing a loving, nurturing and emotionally secure environment. Emotional security for children is rooted in a loving relationship from his mommy and daddy. If you are not in a position to meet all of these needs yourself, you can provide an adoptive family for your child who has been preparing for parenthood for a long time. Adoption is a responsible choice of caring for your baby by finding a family for him/her if you cannot provide what you feel is best right now.
Myth Number 2
People who choose adoption for their baby are cold, heartless and selfish.
A mother who chooses adoption for her baby has to carry her baby in her womb for 9 months. She has nurtured that child and has bonded with that child. For a woman to place her baby in the arms of another is one of the most painful acts of selflessness known. She can only do so out of ultimate love for their child in hopes of providing for him or her the family and life she believes her child deserves.
Myth Number 3
Placing my child for adoption would be too painful. I could never do that.
Yes, it is painful for most people to place a child in an adoptive home. It should never be entered into lightly. However, just as there is pain in childbirth and there have been many a woman exclaim on the delivery table, "I can't do this! I want to go home!" There is great joy for her in seeing and holding the beautiful creation of a child. So it is with adoption; alongside the pain of delivering your child into the arms of another family, comes the joy of seeing a family created - and your child thriving and loved by both his birthfamily and his adoptive family.
Myth Number 4
Adoptive parents could never love an adopted child as much as a birthparent.
Couples do not adopt on a whim. They truly want a child to love and nurture. Ask any couple who has adopted through APO how they feel about their child. We repeated hear them say and confirm by their actions that would stand in front of a moving freight train for the child they adopted!
Additionally, adoptive parents are required to go through an extensive screening process before they are permitted to adopt a child. The screening process for adoptive couples is very intrusive. Among other things, agencies look for couples who have a sincere love for children. They must attend adoption education seminars. They must endure long interviews, a home study, criminal background checks, financial reviews and submit several references. A couple would not allow such intrusion into their lives if they weren't serious about wanting a baby to love. Once that child is in their arms, the amazing bonding proceeds as it does for biological parents. To know more about the adoption process that couples go through, visit APO's site for adoptive families at www.aggielandadoptions.org
Myth Number 5
If I choose adoption for my child, he will grow up to hate me and think I didn't love him.
In open adoption, you can show your child the love you have for him. You can visit, and send cards, letters and gifts. He need never doubt. He can have his questions answered and truly see the loving act of adoption. He can have the freedom to love both his adoptive parents and his birthparents.
Myth Number 6
Adopted children grow up to have emotional and behavioral problems.
In times past, adopted children had many unanswered questions about their adoptions. For some, this was a cause of problems. For others, their questions were nothing more than questions. They remained secure and confident in the love from their adoptive families. When an adopted child has problems, folks around them are quick to point their finger at adoption as the cause. Perhaps it is because adoption becomes the scapegoat for other underlying problems (school bullies, family dynamics, learning disabilities, etc.)
Look at what some of the research shows: 1
Adopted adolescents exhibit more self-esteem and self-confidence, and feel more secure in their families than children from single-parent families.
Adopted adolescents experience depression less than children of single parents and they are less likely to abuse alcohol and engage in theft, vandalism, group fighting and weapon use.
Adopted children do better academically and have a better economic situation than children from single-parent homes.
Myth Number 7
Adoption is totally against God's will and plan for families.
Adoption is mentioned in a positive light throughout the Bible.
Moses: Jocabed found an adoptive home for her son, Moses with the daughter of the Pharoah of Egypt. Moses' life was in danger when his mother placed him in a basket and floated him down the river. She grieved her loss, but her heroic act allowed Moses to be raised in the palace as the adopted son of Pharoah's daughter. His life in the palace prepared him to be the leader of God's people, the Israelites. (Exodus 2:10)
Samuel: Hannah committed her son, Samuel, to the Lord's service after he was weaned (around age 3 or 4.) Samuel grew up in the temple with the priest named Eli as his father. Hannah took new clothes to him every year. Samuel became a great leader for the nation of Israel. (I Samuel 1)
Jesus: God provided an earthly father, Joseph, for Jesus. God told Joseph to take Mary as his wife and to name the child. Naming a child was the awesome responsibility of the father. Joseph assumed the role of Jesus' earthly father fully and completely. (Matthew 1:18-25)
Christians: God, the heavenly father, established the institution of the family and the importance of fatherhood. He has declared Himself to be the Heavenly Father of those who call upon His name (see How Can I Know God.) In Romans 8:15 the Bible says, "...but you have received the spirit of adoption as sons, by which we cry out, "Abba (daddy), Father."
For more, click Conclusion
1. Connaught Marshner, ed., Adoption Fact Book III, (Washington: National Council for Adoption, 1999), p.3.